Saguaro Blossoms

Whizzing north on the 17
Pandora blasting and the girls and I
screaming along
all tone-deaf enthusiasm 
shouting out the lyrics we know
and mumbling the rest

I've got one hand on the wheel
cruise control set to 79
It's only Spring- late April
and the heat's already
started falling down

on this hellish valley

It lends a little desperation
An anxious urgency
the exhilaration of escape
the thrill of running away
to our adventure up the mountain
towards the cool and the pines

Even the desert is celebrating
right along with us
all that sharp and thorny
gray-green and inhospitable
threatening, intimidating flora
has burst into bloom

We're flying past
saguaro after saguaro
and those fat prickly things
formidable old maids
that nobody could love
are wearing white blooms

Encircling their heads 
like crowns, like wreaths
blossoms grace their outstretched arms
and I realize they're all brides
even the saguaro has her day
to be lovely

To be loved

Walls

I can feel them
creeping up
just like they used to
those walls
o the walls
'cause it's so hard
it's just so scary
to care so much
so long
so hard
and not be sure

and, don't worry,
I'm working on
talking myself
out of it
'cause I know
I do know that
I can't have you
and have my
impenetrable wall
and I want you
o, I do
don't I?

So I build
and I tear down
a brick up
two bricks down
a few more laid
another destroyed
and while I construct
and deconstruct
I wonder
I plan
how high?
how tall?
leave a gate?
a door?
just a window?
or no entrance at all?

Me and Today

All 'lone all 'lone all 'lone.
It's not what it was, but it's still something, right?
Right?
So why do I feel so lonely.
Solitary.
                                                                                                         Set. Apart.
Is it my fault, 'cause I insist on skippin' from peaks to valleys
without stopping at all the places in between?
Dizzy crescendos
or days thick with time like molasses.

Mom asks, "Isn't it tiring
to feel
as much as you feel?"

It is.
It's exhausting.
Worse than that.
It's lonely.
'Cause ain't nobody coming with me.
Who's coming with me?

I thought it was gonna be you.

And it was. 

For a while. 

Running up and down those peaks. 

Soaring and crashing. Crashing and soaring. 

So sweet to have a somebody to travel with. 

'til you stepped back

just like you did

that time before.

You play it just like that old song. 

Two hops forward. Too fast. 

One back. 

Enough of that until

I ended up down here all 'lone. 

And you, you're busy

studying maps,

highlighting trails,

collecting supplies,

and planning for contingencies. 

One days. Somedays. Maybes.

But there's only today

up there

down here. 

Just me and today. 

Urges

got the urge to graffiti,  no surface is safe
JR all in hearts all over each notebook
our names linked up on the trunk of each tree
love poems 'bout longing on arched tunnel walls
your face spray painted on the side of a train

got an overwhelming urge for public proclamation
choose I LOVE JASON! as my Facebook status
Kate and Jason on every billboard 'tween here and Texas
drape a banner off the side of each highway overpass
invest in a sleeve of tattoos of your name

got an urge to give up the rest just to chase you
quit my jobs, clear my schedule, fill it only with you
spend my days dreamin' 'bout loving you better
run away to Tahiti where we can stroll on the sand
or just to a playground, we can swing on the swings

You've Gotta Get Out

you've gotta get out
of my spinning thoughts
'cause I can't focus
and I can't finish nothin'
my mind's a whir o maybe and someday and please
I've got bills to pay
and lessons to plan
and laundry to sort
and homeschool to grade
and conversations to be present in, list'nin

you've gotta get out
of my tumbled dreams
'cause I wake up more
tired than I lay down
runnin' round all night long just to find you just to
hold your hand and heart
squeeze next to you close
not to mention all those
other things I can't
mention 'cept to say they'll happen one day, some day

you've gotta get out
of all those duties
that keep you miles
away from me and
so busy working and learning and parenting
and wrapped up in things
that aren't me mine me
everyone pullin'
you to-fro, back-forth
and come on back to stay, just playin' house with me

Questions

how do you know when you have what you wanted?
does it come barging in like thunder claps, shaking your core?
or tiptoeing in on silken feet, waking your soul?
is love a passion that consumes and devours?
or rather a comfort that envelopes and protects?
or is it simply the absence of fear?

Playin' at Being in Love

been sittin' waitin' and wishin' so long
i wonder if i've settled for make believe
like a black and white photo
of the impish little boy in a gray suitcoat,
sleeves swallowing up his hands,
she's in a petti-coated dress,
that the mind paints in bright yellow
with a parasol and a grin
just playin' at being in love

you sure feel real when we're talkin'
and your voice fills my head
and you say all those right things
droppin' hints 'bout forever
and it's my cheeks gettin' painted
all blush like the blossoms that
young casanova thrust at that sweet girl

but when the phone disconnects
the distance spreads out wide
and settles over me, thick, down, quilted
impractical love affair long on miles,
short on together, us, we, couple
full of hope, maybe, someday, later, when, if
almost like bein' alone and
just playin' at being in love